What happens when your marriage ends before it even began?

Before the divorce

In November 2005 I met my ex-husband Alex online, we went on a date and were together about every moment after that. Our dating wasn’t easy I was living with a cousin who was going to move back to Marathon. She had a baby and her husband was still working down there. I understood they needed to do what was best for their family. Before they had the chance to move I left to live with another cousin in Marathon. I needed to get back to work and get on my feet. I was a freshly turned 18-year-old trying to figure out life. I never wanted to say divorce.

I wasn’t happy to be back in town, I wanted better for myself, I wanted out of the small-town life. I ended up moving in with Alex, but it wasn’t just him it was his brother, grandmother and his parents. It was a full house to say the least. He was 8 years older than me, so I thought he would be well better off. I later learned how much debit he was in and how his parents took out a loan to help him out.

Don't live with inlaws

Living with his family was just like living in a small town. They all had their opinions, did I eat enough, did I need to cover up because it was cold, was too much skin exposed. His friends weren’t easy either, they didn’t like me and I didn’t care for them. Right before our wedding I was in the pool bathroom, they were sitting outside saying what a big mistake he was making. How they didn’t want to wear what we had chosen for the wedding. I was so hurt and upset that I told them they were no longer going to be part of the wedding.

In April 2006 we got married. I was happy and ready I wanted to be married and have my own family. It was a rough time for me, my mom was going through cancer, we weren’t getting along, and she didn’t come to my wedding. I had my siblings Tayla and Nick there and my cousin her husband and their son. That’s it! That’s all the family out of well I would say 50 or so. I tried not to think about it. My relationship with my mom was always rough once I hit the teenage years, we just never saw eye to eye.

Then came the miscarriage

Soon after that we found out we would be expecting our first child but not before moving out and trying married life on our own. I ended up having a miscarriage. After my miscarriage I knew my marriage was over in my eyes. I knew it wasn’t want I wanted, I wasn’t happy anymore.

We ended up going to a party for one of his coworkers, Julio. I put on my brave face. I really wasn’t up to it, so yes while in the middle of a party I laid on the couch. Julio, the one that is now my husband, came over and told me I could go upstairs and lay down if I wanted to. So, I sure did go upstairs and went to sleep. I’m not sure how much time had passed but I was awoken by Alex, he was ready to go. He was upset that I would go sleep when I should be on his arm at the party.

That night I stayed up thinking wondering what to do. Did I want to stay married, should I keep fighting for my marriage? I didn’t want to be married and divorced over and over. I wanted to grow old together. After a night of thinking I woke up knowing in my heart what I needed to do. I asked him to move out. I asked for a divorce.

Heading to Divorce

On July 4th I requested the day off. While Alex moved out I went on a date with Julio. When I arrived back home I realized he took just about everything from our apartment. I knew I would be ok. I was left with an old mattress on the floor. Our kitchen table was gone, the tv was also gone and it was only going to get worse. Just like I expected a man who was all about the material things in life.

A month later I went on vacation to New York with Julio and Nikolaus. It was my first time traveling as an adult out of state. I was happy and free. It was a short weekend trip for me but it was worth every moment. When I landed in Fort Lauderdale I had horrible voicemails and text from Alex calling me everything from a money hungry bitch to a whore.

During our marriage we bought three cars he took them all. I again didn’t care. I was over it. I honestly laughed at how someone could be so shitty and want to ruin any chance they may have ever had. Julio was still in New York and offered his car for me to get to and from work.

When Julio got back from New York we went to the Honda dealership and I bought a new to me car. One day I had to go back to Alex’s parent house to pick up some stuff and the look on his face was to die for. He thought I would be screwed. That I wouldn’t be about to survive without him. I sure have proved him wrong.

Divorce

In that moment everything I felt, everything I once doubted was very clear. I knew that I made the right decision. On April 13th, 2011 the court date had arrived I was being granted my divorce. I was three months away from giving birth to Michael it was almost over.

Now 12 years later almost to the dot I’m living the life I always wanted. I have my family, my mom and five loving kids. My life is whole and complete. Looking back, I know I could have asked for something in the divorce, but I just wanted out. I survived the marriage and the divorce. I am happy!

Have you ever had to make the decision divorce someone you thought you loved? How did you cope with the divorce aftermath?

19 thoughts on “What happens when your marriage ends before it even began?”

  1. I agree, so in my religion divorce is ok too, its better than staying in unhappy marriage.
    We are free for choose to move on from bad situation.
    Thank you for sharing 🙂

  2. I don’t have personal experience with divorce, but it sounds so hard. I’m very thankful to be with a man who loves me and is committed to me. I’m glad you found that too!

  3. I am so glad that you are in a great place today! Thank you for sharing your experience with everyone!

  4. I am recently divorced and still working on letting go of the hurt that was left behind. I loved reading your story. It makes me feel like there is hope even when the ex is terrible.

    1. It’s so hard to let go. I didn’t have any children during this marriage which I’m sure helped but it is still hard. For years after the divorced i wondered if I was ever going to allow myself to be happy.

  5. So many stay in unhappy marriages because they are afraid of being alone. I hope to never fall into that myself!

  6. That must have been a very hard decision for you to make as a couple. I hope everyone is happier and a little more themselves now.

    1. Aw thank you. I don’t think I am brave I just followed my heart. You are right one door closes for the next to open. I am beyond blessed now.

  7. I’ve never had to end my marriage, I’m actually very happily married. I’m thankful you have found happiness though

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